


Scale Up

by perniciousLizard



Series: Hot and Cold Blooded (Alphyne Collection) [11]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 16:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11294838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: Alphys and Mettaton discuss their relationship worries.  Mettaton has trouble finding someone who isn't a jerk, and Alphys worries about things going wrong with Undyne.





	Scale Up

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Alphys & Mettaton swapping relationship advice (sent in by [silphver](http://silphver.tumblr.com/)

“WELL, THAT IS EASY FOR YOU TO SAY, DARLING,” Mettaton said, falling back in a dramatic heap on Alphys’ work table. “NOT ALL OF US HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY IN LOVE.  SOME OF US THROW OUT OUR LINE AND WHEN WE PULL IT IN TO FIND OUT WHAT WE CAUGHT, THE FISH DOES NOT TURN OUT TO BE A ONCE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD.”

“Y-yeah…I can’t believe how lucky I was,” Alphys admitted.  "People like her…they don’t really end up with people like me.“  

"YES AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE STILL SLEEPING WITH YOUR HAREM OF BODY PILLOWS, AND NOT YOUR VIVACIOUS GIRL FRIEND.  COME ON.  I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TO LISTEN TO YOU COMPLAIN, ALPHYS.  MY HEART.  HAS.  BEEN.  CRUSHED.”  

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t make it all about me, should I?  I mean, you’ve just been throwing out your line and instead of the catch you wanted, it’s just been, um, one jerk after another. That didn’t really work, did it.”

“I PULLED MY NET ON BOARD.  EXAMINED MY CATCH.  EVERY LAST ONE WAS A WORTHLESS JERKFISH.”

“I thought the last one was going to turn out to be okay,” Alphys said.  She shook her head.  "All right!  With these modifications, you should be able to get two full hours before you burn yourself out!“  Her enthusiasm instantly dampened.  "Ugh, that’s still horrible.  We aren’t getting anywhere until I figure out how to deal with energy _consumption_.”  

“THE LAST ONE.  WAS THE WORST.  MAYBE IT IS JUST HUMANS, DARLING.  THEY ARE ALL COLD AND UNFEELING.  BUT, GOD, THEY ARE ALL SO HANDSOME.”  

“I…yeah, I know what you mean.  But we know there are good humans out there!  You just…haven’t dated any.”  She sighed.  "Humans aren’t like us, Mettaton.  They need love and compassion in an abstract sense, but not in the literal sense, like we do.  Their bodies are capable of persisting so long as they maintain their physical forms’ minimum requirements.“  She closed off another panel and set down her screwdriver.

Mettaton reached back and flipped his switch.  The room seemed to spin, for him, and he transformed.  "Oh, darling, I can feel it!  It isn’t draining quite so fast.  It feels… _nice_.”  He continued to lounge on the work table, sliding one hand down his leg.  

“Well, great!  At least that’s something, right?”

“Other than my heart being crushed mostly to dust, you’re right!  Everything’s looking up!” Mettaton said.  "Oh, Alphys, don’t give me that look.  I’ll be fine.  Maybe I need to stop with the line fishing and switch to nets.  Maybe there’s a handsome fish out there, for me, too, but I have to play the numbers.“

"I wonder if they… _see_ you…and they think you’re, uh, more like they are.”

Mettaton’s voice was deceptively sweet.  "I look like a jerk, sweetheart?“

"No!  God, that wasn’t what I meant!  I meant, you’re – you’re really beautiful!  Just, your personality, I mean, since I made your face and it would be weird if I, uh–” She broke off and tried to get herself back on track.  "You kind of…give off that aura?  No matter what form…you’re…“ She shook her head.  "What I mean is, I think shallow people, especially huge jerks, think that beautiful people are probably like they are!  And they’re wrong!  So maybe…date people who aren’t shallow?  Wow, like it’s that easy, Alphys.  Sorry, M-mettaton.  I don’t know why I’m even trying to give advice.  I barely know what I’m doing in my own relationship.”  

“Are you having trouble?” Mettaton asked. “Maybe I shouldn’t have been so dismissive before.”  

“No.  Everything’s…everything’s really great!” When Mettaton continued to look doubtful, she gave in.  "It’s…I’m just worried that…it’s so great now; what’s going to happen?  That probably sounds stupid."  She rubbed her eyes, under her glasses.  "I just keep being so sure I’m going to mess up, somehow.  It’s so good, but how long can I keep it up, you know?  One day I’m going to wake up and she’s going to be g-gone, and I won’t even know why.”  

“Oh, Alphys,” Mettaton said.  He put his hand on her head.  "That is such a _you_ thing to be worried about.“

Her shoulders slumped. "I know.  I want to stop, and just…enjoy being happy, for a little while.”  

“Hm, I’m not sure you can.  Not just, like, flipping a switch and turning off all your worries.  Wouldn’t _that_ be nice?”

“I…can’t even imagine.”  

“Well, things are going to go wrong,” Mettaton said, matter-of-fact.  "You’re going to do something, and Undyne is going to get in a fit about it, knowing her.  But she cares about you enough to tell you, darling.  She’ll let you fix it.  And it’s not like she’s perfect herself.  Ha!“  

"She’s – she’s amazing, Mettaton!  I don’t want to hear you say anything bad about her!”  

“Mm, how’s the new kitchen, by the way?  That’s an _impressive_ sprinkler system.  I’d be afraid of having an exposed circuit in that room if there was even a puff of smoke in the air.”  

“Oh, it doesn’t actually use water!  I know that isn’t the point, but you don’t have to worry!”  

“Aw, did you keep me in mind when you made it, darling?  That’s so sweet.  But it _really_ isn’t the point.  You and your one and only both have your…peccadilloes.”  He patted her head and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the table.  "Maybe you should discuss this with her, and not me?  I think she would understand if you told her what you told me."

"Maybe,” Alphys said.  

“Let’s watch an episode of one of those shows that gets you pumped up, right before she gets back,” he said.  

“Oh.  That might actually help!  And I know just what to watch, too!”  Alphys scurried off to another room.  

Mettaton held out one his arms and examined it.  He really was lovely, in this form.  It was no wonder so many human men wanted him.  He should be a little more careful, though, and not just go after the prettiest face.  

He should be more careful by dating casually, in huge numbers.  He might end up getting his heart broken again, but it would be fun until then.  

Alphys ran back in, her arms overflowing with DVDs.  "I thought of a few others that might work, and now I can’t decide!  So I thought that since you’re the guest, you can pick!“

"Well, it isn’t really for me, darling, but–” He snatched the disc he recognized.  It was one of his absolute favorites.  The rest of the cases slipped out of Alphys’ arms and hit the floor.  

“I should have just brought that out, because of course you were going to pick it,” Alphys said.  She seemed a little happier.  

Maybe he was, too, just a bit.  


End file.
